I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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