Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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