Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
