wat bout pragnant strippers??
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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