he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
