If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
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I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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