areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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