wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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