Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
