You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
thus making me awesome and them whores
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
