i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I spit up blood this morning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.