I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.