alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY