Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.