and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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