We got so high we made milksteak
birth control should be required to get into college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
