i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
