I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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