Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
