I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
