and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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