Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
