It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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