I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
