No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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