Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
