I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize