if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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