He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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