I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
