He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
