Just fell off a train. Bad.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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