"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
