honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
