i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
