I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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