weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
