So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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