Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize