K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
