You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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