I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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