you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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