It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You ruined the universe
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
