Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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