she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
love makes seman taste better
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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