he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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