I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
