i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
