we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
