Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize