i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
