We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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