...so i touched it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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