ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it's great music for shaving your balls
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
