Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
