yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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