i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
