Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
