Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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