this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
