My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
