Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
