i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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