I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
