His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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