birth control should be required to get into college
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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