just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
