Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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